Blog #Christian testimony

Tabitha Yates

Bestselling author of Jesus and Therapy: Bridging the Gap Between Faith and Mental Health 

**Tabitha's broadcast interview is being transcribed & will be available soon**

These are Tabitha's favorite scriptures...

Tabitha, you speak openly about surviving physical and spiritual abuse. How did you find the courage to break the silence and share your story, and how did your own journey with faith and mental health shape its message?

First, unfortunately, there are a lot of systems in place to protect people in power who are abusive. So when you’re talking about church and spiritual abuse and those things that I went through, that was very scary to talk about, and then when you’re talking about family abuse, nobody wants you to bring that into the light, of course. 

And so I had to walk so closely with Jesus through this process because I needed to know that I knew that He was in it, that He was commanding me to do this, that He was giving me the words because there was so much fear interjected into the whole process, and what if someone sues you, and what if your ex-pastor comes after you, and what if your father comes after you, and all these things where I was like, “Okay, like those are some legitimate fears,” and to be able to open up, that was one of the most significant parts of my healing. I realized that my silence was not protecting me; it was protecting them, and the people who have wounded and hurt me have been avoiding accountability for decades. Therefore, it was a type of reckoning, like I wasn’t going to cover for them anymore, I wasn’t going to hide, and I wasn’t trying to drag them through the middle or bash, and I made sure to change their real names. I was very respectful, but I am going to tell the truth and talk about what I experienced because it doesn’t matter—it did happen. 

And so it was a raw, you know, third, fourth, and fifth healing process for me because I had to get to a place on my own healing journey where it wasn’t triggering to talk about. I wanted to be speaking from a place of healing, not from a place of wounding, because I didn’t want that to be filtered through which I was, you know, saying things to people, and that was really important to me. So, throughout the blessing before the Lord, there were a lot of bathroom floors and sob sessions as I continually surrendered to God, letting Him wash over me and heal me, and letting Him use my story to hopefully go out and heal others. 

I think the book is very much a companion guide because I’m never coming at it from the angle that I’m healed, mainly because of how complex my trauma was—my healing is going to be a lifelong process. So the book is very much like, “Let me come alongside of you and show you what I’ve learned in the last 20 years of healing,” so maybe it will give you a little of a roadmap in areas where it’s still really foggy for you, and that was my hope because I didn’t have the church or parental leadership—I didn’t have anyone walking me through healing, just Jesus, myself and my counselor, so I feel like I was going through this jungle with a machete and clearing a path that did not exist. I’m like, “My goodness, if I can go to someone a few miles back and be like, ‘Here, you know, I cleared a little of the way. Like, here are a few ideas.” Here are a few tips. Here are a few things that got me through and made their healing journey a little easier. That was my heart. There was so much to do, and that was to illuminate a path that had been so hard to carve out, and for other survivors to do it with just a little bit more of a roadmap than I had.

My abuse was spiritual, verbal, emotional, and narcissistic. Every safe adult in my life subjected me to every type of abuse imaginable, so I was incredibly confused and believed, “I guess this is just how grown-ups are, and there’s no safe place.” It led me to become severely suicidal because I’m like, “There’s no way out,” and I couldn’t escape the abuse anywhere I went. 

How did you start your healing process? Can you share a couple of steps you took? Was there anyone in your family or at your church you could go to, or a friend who came along with you, who could share what you were going through?

I unfortunately needed to break before I rebuilt—part of my journey was that my church did not believe mental illness was a legitimate thing at all, so everything was overspiritualized. I was not allowed to go to counseling. Even in the beginning, from having childhood abuse and parents who divorced dramatically, and all the things I’d gone through, where counseling would have been beneficial, I was not allowed to do that. Then it got to the point that it literally led to me overdosing and attempting suicide before I could see a counselor, so it took getting that bad because again, that was the only escape from the abuse and the hell I was in that I could see, and that was the only way out. After that act, I got locked down in a psych ward on suicide watch by the time I was 16 years old.

I was able to start seeing a Christian psychologist, and it took a lot of healing and years to unravel myself from toxic systems and relationships. It also took me growing older and finally being able to make choices for myself—saying, “Okay, I’m not going to do this anymore. I’m not going to listen to this person anymore. I’m not going to go to this church anymore.”It took a complete shattering of my faith, because for so long my faith had been placed more in people than in God. I had lived in such a spiritually abusive environment where the message was always, “We speak for God; you don’t hear from Him yourself.” Everything spoken to me in that system was damaging and wounding. I had to completely separate people from God and realize that everything I had been told about Him was not true and not biblical. I had to burn it all down to the ground and start over—rebuild my faith and find the truth for myself. There were two women in my church who would still say hurtful things, though not intentionally—they meant well, but they didn’t understand depression or suicidality. Still, a few people tried to show up for me and love me during that period. But they weren’t the ones who should have been protecting me, sheltering me, or helping me at that point. 

It took a long time to unravel everything I thought I knew about Jesus—what He felt like, what He felt about me—and to rebuild my understanding of His love. I wrestled with believing that He could still love me after all I’d been through. I wondered if I was some disgrace to Christianity because I was depressed and traumatized. I remember pastors and elders telling me things like, “God’s done with you. You’re beyond saving. You’re not even worth saving.” They said God had washed His hands of me—and that permitted them to do the same. I truly believed I was worthless, beyond saving, and that even if God could save me, He didn’t want to. The level of damage that was done to my faith, my psyche, and my sense of self was enormous. It’s taken a lifetime to undo all of that and to rebuild a foundation that actually comes from the truth of Scripture.

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Dawnita Fogleman

Award-Winning Journalist, Homestead and Preparedness Coach, Published Author, and Founder & Creator of Prairie Dust Trail

These are Dawnita's favorite scriptures...

Dawnita, you grew up in a house that practiced New Age and were actually raised to become a Native American medicine woman. How did that all come about? 

I have Native American on both sides of my family. Unfortunately, I did not inherit the lovely extra melanin. I’ve got very little, so I’m white as paper, but I was a teen pregnancy, and my mother left when I was around 18 months old. She was a hippie, and she went and hitchhiked across the country. It was a typical hippie thing. My dad was in the Navy. After that, he went back home to the farm and ranch, where he was a cowboy. He remarried when I was four. Nobody really attended church in my family. One of my great-grandmothers attended church, and that was about it. My stepmother would read the Bible, but my grandmother, with whom I lived a lot, took me to her medium. And then when I was about five or six years old, I was allowed to go to a vacation Bible school. We had a little country church on a hill out here in the middle of nowhere. It’s a good 30 minutes from any town. I was about five or six years old when I asked Jesus into my heart because I didn’t think I was going to survive to grow up.

How come you felt that you wouldn't survive to grow up?  

Because my father was abusing me in every way, but I didn’t know any different, because that was just life for me. Still, I really didn’t know if I would survive to grow up, so I wanted Jesus to help me be a good person while I was here, and I wanted to know that I was going to be with Him whenever I passed away. 

So anyway, when I was eight years old, I met my mother. And when I was ten, I moved in with her. She was a drug user, and she taught me tarot cards and other New Age things in addition to what my grandmother taught me. And I would have manifestations of evil spirits and the familiar spirits. 

I married a preacher’s son, and after we married, I realized the houses we lived in were haunted, so I needed deliverance. After we had our second child, an opportunity came up in the church we were attending to go to a ladies’ retreat. And up to that point, whenever people would come to visit our house, they would hear and see things. So it wasn’t just me who was noticing weird things going on. It would sound like bells tinkling, or things scurrying, or children playing, and you could even hear them on the nursery monitor. Thus, it was a physical thing that was audible. I was encouraged by the church ladies to join their retreat. When I asked my husband, he initially thought it was pricey, but the following day, he arrived home with a check covering the retreat’s cost. And he said, “I guess the Lord wants you to go.” And so I went. And it was a holy roller retreat, which, I love my full gospel friends, but I am so not. I had one preacher’s wife who said it’s kind of like the difference in flavors of ice cream. Some of us are chocolate, some of us are vanilla. And she said, “And I’m Rocky Road.” I decided that I’m chocolate almond; I’m a little nutty. While at the retreat, they didn’t do deliverance, but they did several things that were like object lessons. And one of them was that they gave us all little wooden crosses and nails, and we would talk about things and burdens that we needed to give to the Lord. We were encouraged to talk about what that burden was and then nail it on the cross. And there were several little things like that, and just being able to speak openly with other women about things that I had gone through that I had never been able to talk about before. My husband would tell you to this day that when I came home from the retreat, there was a considerable change.

I can’t tell you much about the conference itself, but I know the Lord worked on me, and that’s what we need to remember. Paul’s dad was a preacher and an evangelist, and he always would say, “God’s Word doesn’t return to Him void,” so it doesn’t matter who’s preaching God’s Word or who’s sharing God’s Word and where people are in their walk, but if they’re sharing it, then His Word can still touch, and it’s still powerful. After the retreat, I prayed for a spiritual mentor, because I wasn’t raised in the church and didn’t know a whole lot, but I wanted to raise our family in the Lord's ways. So I prayed for a mentor, and He sent me a holy roller homeschool mom who was very confident and got out there and got things done. She challenged me in so many ways. And she saw my crystal ball and my tarot cards that I still had, and she said, “Why do you still have these things in your house? I told her, “Well, they’re keepsakes.” And she said, “Well, are those really why you have them? Or is that what the spirits are trying to tell you?” And then she left. She didn’t push the issue or be judgmental or anything; she just asked a question to challenge me lovingly. And you know what? The second she walked out that door and went out of the driveway, I threw them all away. I got rid of it because I didn’t want to take a chance. I not only threw those away, but I also went through the house and got rid of anything mystical or magical that I had. I got rid of them, even the Disney princess movie with magic in it. The whole kit and caboodle—I just cleaned house and got rid of anything mystical, magical, or anything that could be in the least bit, and started focusing on God’s Word. This was huge and exactly what we needed to get grounded in my faith and solid in His Word, and once I did this, He started bringing things back into my life and showing me His creation and what He made, like the constellations, and then I wrote a book about the constellations and prophecy. I did it as a homeschool project for our family because I wanted to look into this. And I did coloring pages to go with it, and because so many of the pictures of the constellations are not modest, I made a coloring book so that we could have modest constellation images. So I did this with my children, and it’s based on a book written in the 1800s, giving the prophecy that’s in the stars—and God put the complete story of Jesus in the constellations for us. And it’s fascinating. I did this scrapbook project with my children for homeschooling and other moms. They encouraged me to put it in a curriculum for them because they wanted to do this with their children. The stars are being redeemed for their original purpose, biblically. It was because of the stars that everybody knew, or had the chance to know, that Jesus was coming, because all they had to do was look at the stars. It’s amazing! And then, the Lord started bringing me more, and on my YouTube channel, I wear this fabulous tinfoil hat.

Yes. Can you explain why you wear a tinfoil hat? 

Christians, who were raised in the church, have an attitude about some things, and they think, “Oh, this is New Age. We can’t touch that because it’s New Age. God created the heavens and the earth. He created crystals, herbs, and essential oils. And in the Bible, God explains to us ways to use some of these things. So you have Christians who will be afraid of crystals. In scripture, people used crystals and gemstones primarily for adornment and ritual purposes, most notably in the High Priest Aaron’s God-designed breastplate, which bore twelve gems representing the twelve tribes of Israel. And yet, we have Christians doing yoga in their churches, which is actually preparation for death. So my New Age background gives me a background that people who have been raised in the church don’t have, and it gives me a perception of some of the ancient things, along with an understanding of some of the cultural stuff in the Bible that other people may not understand. And I’m able to pull those together. So through Prairie Dust Trail, we’re able to explore historical topics and talk about Bigfoot, UFOs, and other topics on my channel. I talk to other believers about these things and how they fit into the Bible, what they really are, and how we stand against the evils that are in this world and protect our family and teach our family about these things so that they can have discernment.

A lot of people counterfeit what Christ has done, right? 

Right. That’s what the devil does. He camouflages things. A good example is the sage that witches will burn and have the smoke of sage around their house, but people don’t realize that hyssop in the Bible and sage are basically very closely related plants. The witches, pagans, and those in the New Age take things from the Bible because that’s the original source, and they take those things and twist them and do other things with them, so it’s not the sage that’s bad. It’s how they’re doing it. Hyssop was used for cleansing in the Bible. So if you go back to the Bible and see how it was used, you can realize that it’s okay to use hyssop, but we’re going to do it differently than the way the witches do it, with sage. There are a lot of fun things to think about, and God created the heavens and the earth with frequency. He spoke everything into existence.

You teach people things like preparedness and homesteading, but you also provide something equally important—a community. A place where people don’t feel isolated and can safely share the things they’re noticing in the world that just don’t make sense.

Right. And it’s this kind of uncertainty that often makes people fearful about the future. But the Bible repeatedly tells us to be prepared. Proverbs 31 is a perfect example: the virtuous woman wasn’t afraid of the winter because she had her household ready. Many passages show that if we are prepared—spiritually with God in our hearts and physically in our lives—we’re far less likely to panic. We live in a broken world. Catastrophes, both big and small, will happen, and traumatic experiences are inevitable. But panic comes from fear of the unknown—and God has not given us a spirit of fear. When we look at the strange, confusing events in the world through a biblical lens, we can prepare for the worst while still hoping for the best. I don’t teach self-sufficiency because I don’t believe in it. I believe in God-sufficiency. He is enough. Wherever He places us, it is sufficient. We are called to be Him-reliant, not self-reliant.

I also teach the importance of rest. Many churches today teach that the Old Testament doesn’t matter or that Jesus did away with the law—but He didn’t. He came to fulfill it—something as simple as Sabbath was designed for our benefit: our rest. Yet so many people are constantly overwhelmed and stressed because they’ve forgotten how to pause. I tell people, “I don’t care what day you take it—just take that one day of rest.” When you do, your life begins to change. We were never meant to work 24/7. Jeremiah 6:16 talks about “the ancient paths,” and then laments, “But they said, ‘We will not walk in it.’” It’s sad because God told us to follow His ways, but we often ignore them. Rest isn’t just a break—it’s a way to refill our cups. We don’t fill the cup ourselves; God does. And when our cup overflows, that blessing naturally spreads to others. Too often, especially as women, we try to pour from empty cups. But God designed it so that first He fills us, and then we overflow into the lives of others.

Watch how being prepared saved Dawnita's children's lives during a catastrophic Oklahoma wildfire.  

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