Blog #Christian inspiration

Jeremiah James

Founder of United To Revive Ministries and the Truth B Told Podcast

These are Jeremiah's favorite scriptures...

Can you share your testimony and how God began to put United to Revive Ministries and the Truth B Told YouTube channel on your heart? 

Yeah, absolutely. I was a high school science teacher for nine years before any of this happened. But when I was 17 years old, I encountered Jesus by His Spirit in a very real and experiential way, and I sought Him with all my heart, confessed my sins, confessed my belief in Him, and decided to live for Him. He radically transformed my life by becoming an experience in my heart and in my life. A lot of people can look at church, the Bible, and hear sermons and think it's just all head knowledge. And it's for another time you die, and then you experience heaven. But I'll tell you what, when I was 17 years old, the Lord poured heaven upon my life through the Holy Spirit. And because of that experience, I believe everything has taken place because of it. But truly, I mean, my path through college, early life, marriage, and as a teacher, I just grew in my calling as I read the Word, as I spent time in prayer, and began to ask the Lord to use my life. 

And so I want to encourage anybody listening that, regardless of what I've done or even what Dawn-Marie has done, it really starts in prayer. It really begins by asking Him — He will speak to you and change your life. So, with United to Revive, I was the Fellowship of Christian Athletes huddle coach here in a small town called Bunker Hill, Illinois, while coaching and teaching. And during the whole COVID epidemic and all the things that were going on with COVID, I really felt in my heart that there are so many students who were masked and no one was allowed to be near anyone. And after school, they're told that, basically, if you hang out with one another, you're bad and you're wanting to hurt people, because socializing with others in a time when it’s dangerous. And even if you don't have symptoms of COVID, you still probably have COVID anyway. So you can't be around any person. I was listening to a podcast on our way back from Atlanta about how we are seeing rises in depression, anxiety, suicide, and thoughts of suicide, and they're linking it to this isolation experience that we put students through. Oh my goodness. It broke my heart, and more students were hospitalized; they weren't coming to school, and I was noticing cuts on their arms, cuts on their legs, you know, people were just lost and sad because of what was going on. And it broke my heart. 

So during this time, I just began praying, seeking the heart of God, and asking Him, "What can I do?" In that moment, I was crying intensely in prayer with my face on the ground. And I'm just asking God, "What can we do? You know, I will do whatever it takes to be a witness in these dark times for these students." And instantly, He asked me to open up my house. It was very, very noticeable, His voice at this time. The first person I called was someone with whom I've done ministry in the past. She was all about it and said, "Let's go!" You've got to remember that during this time, if you're open, especially as a science teacher in a small town, you know, if you were to hear, "Hey, the science teacher and FCA coach is opening up their houses for youth when everyone else is told to stay home," there are no open churches, and no youth groups going on. Can you imagine the kind of criticism that I could face in that moment, but I didn't care. I didn't care. And then, in the first week, we had 25 students show up, and the following week and the weeks to come, we never had fewer than 30. It’s incredible what we witnessed: even that small group of 30 students — every one of them received Christ after the first four weeks — and it just kept growing and spreading. We never had any “super spreader” events or whatever you want to call them—No one got sick, and nothing like that happened. But the gospel was proclaimed, and we're still here.

I’m going to jump forward because there’s a lot to this. I think we did this for about 1.5 to 2 years, but around this time, we got plugged into a church that saw what we were doing because we were also serving. I love to serve. Half of my testimony is just me serving and loving on people. We are made to grow and serve. We grow in our relationship with God, and then we use that to love others and point them to Jesus. But I got plugged into a church. I never thought I would be a pastor, but I got asked to be a youth pastor at a church. I said no at first because I would consider myself an evangelist more than a pastor. But I accepted the call. And, you know, within a year, the church started doing park services. They asked me to preach. That’s where I learned how to organize bigger events out in parks. I was knocking on doors. We’re praying for people. We’re inviting them back. We fed every person. At these park services, many people experienced salvation and baptism, and these events transformed their lives. Shout-out to Restoring Hope Church of God in Wood River for taking me along on this journey, because I know God used them to get me to where I am today. So around this time, I started feeling like I needed to quit my job. The Lord was literally telling me to leave my teaching career because I’m spending all my time talking about ionic bonds, covalent bonds, vectors, velocities — you know, all these great things. But I want to talk about Jesus. You know, like, we can talk all day about this science, but whenever you’re struggling at home and you have no one to go to, whenever you’re struggling.

For instance, we had a girl call us at 11:30 pm. She cut herself so badly, and she was bleeding out, and she wanted us to take her to the hospital. Do you know why? Because her dad was drunk on the couch, passed out, and she couldn’t wake him up. And even if she did, that wouldn’t be a safe ride to the hospital. So we took her to the hospital. And that’s again, a whole other story. I just felt this pull from the Lord. It really feels like a fire I want to get out of and share the truth. I desire to speak about Jesus in a real way—someone who transforms lives and sets people free. And so I told my wife, and we prayed on it for over a year. And man, there was one time in a meeting at school at Bunker Hill High School here in Illinois, I remember sitting in this meeting and, you know, they’re trying to figure out all these issues with students. And they’re talking about programs, social work, more counseling, obviously more medication, more this, and more that. I’m like, it’s just empty. I know what they needed to drink from the well of living water—these students needed their Savior and a release from bondage. And although I love our teachers and what they’re trying to do—I’m not saying that’s bad—personally, it was my time to leave. So I went home. I told my wife, and honestly, no plan at all; I did not know any of this was going to happen. I quit my job, and when you leave your job in faith, you’d better be praying and believing that God will use your life.

There are a lot of people and coincidences involved in this story; that’s not coincidences. I remember being with my wife at her work one day, and in my mind, I thought I would start a ministry called Truth B Told. And I thought that was going to be an in-person ministry, where I would go from church to church and hold revival meetings and preach the gospel. I want to see people saved. I want to see the church revived. But God had other plans. So I was with my wife one day at her work, writing sermons, preparing my heart and my mind, and studying. And I get a phone call from a businessperson I had never met before, out of nowhere—and to this day, I don’t know how he got my phone number. So he called me, introduced himself, and said, “I heard about what we were doing at the park and wanted to talk about starting a tent ministry.” And I was like, “Okay, Lord, what are you saying here? Is this from you?” I had never been to a tent meeting or to a large tent or tent revival in my life. But I think that if you’re following God’s will, you must be able to see and hear what he’s leading you to. And so I started praying and discerning. Well, watch this. I had a breakfast meeting with the one person I spoke with as a mentor before I quit my job, after this conversation with the business owner about a tent meeting. And I looked at him and I said, “Tom, I’ve got a phone call from a businessperson in town about starting a tent ministry, and I’m discerning if this is from the Lord. I believe it is, and I asked him to pray with me about this.” And he literally looks me in the eye, and he says, “Jeremiah, I have a 40 by 80 tent sitting right now in my warehouse, not being used, and it’s yours. You can have it.” We started crying, you know, because in that moment, it was like the atmosphere around us changed, and we felt God was present in a very, very real way. It was like God joined us on this mission. Tom had a tent. God gave me this vision. And that’s when United To Revive was born.

I want to speak on the fact that it’s called United To Revive, not Jeremiah James, not Jeremiah James Ministry, not JeremiahJames.org, and not seek Jeremiah James because of whatever—this is about all of us. We have over 100 volunteers now, as young as 15 and as old and wise as 91, from different backgrounds and denominations, and we’ve been all over the region—it’s all of us together as one. John 17:20-23 says… “I do not pray for these alone, but also for those who will believe in Me through their word; that they all may be one, as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You; that they also may be one in Us, that the world may believe that You sent Me. And the glory which You gave Me I have given them, that they may be one just as We are one: I in them, and You in Me; that they may be made perfect in one, and that the world may know that You have sent Me, and have loved them as You have loved Me.”

It’s this Scripture that we named the ministry United To Revive. Before we formed United To Revive, I saw this in prayer. It was just like the prayer in my prayer closet, but this was a prayer on my back deck. I’ve had two visions in the last five years, and the first one led to the youth starting in the basement, which led me to here. But the other one was the vision that we believe we’re on this mission to fulfill this prayer. My friend, you are reading a prayer from Jesus. This is a prayer from Him. And He’s praying for us to fulfill something that only we can, and when I look at the world, I see it not being fulfilled. I see the enemy winning because he has created so much division in the church amongst denominations—denominations that preach Christ. Still, they don’t want to unify on Him because they want power. They want control. They want the spotlight. They want tithing. They want money. They believe that their sheep are their sheep and not His sheep. And so they’re afraid that they’re going to lose their sheep to somebody else—it’s mudslinging, and it’s not good. But Jesus prayed for us to be one. May they be one as we are one. You know, He’s speaking to the Father. He says that they may all be one as your Father is in me and I in you, that they also may be one in us. 

This is spiritual. This is deep. This is why, later, if we get into it, I speak a lot about meditating on Scripture, slowing down your thoughts, and going into your heart to listen to God, because He calls us to be one with Him. I want to be one with my Father. And there’s only one way to be one with Him. It’s through Jesus Christ. We have access to the Father through Christ.

It’s been a wild three years. But it’s not because of me. We have been in prayer for three and a half years every Monday. Like I said, with different denominations, backgrounds, and ages, we have been praying as one. We take communion every single Monday, and we seek the face of God in actual prayer. I don’t stand up, give a sermon, and then pray for everybody. We all pray. Everyone has a voice. If the Lord gives you a scripture, we read it. If he gives you a prayer, you pray it. And we’re praying for this region with precision and focus. Faith is coming alive. Churches are on board, and we’ve had about 150 meetings and 200 prayer meetings in the last 3 years across 11 local cities.

So that means that we’ve gone into a city and we’ve hosted large-scale, massive tent revivals where hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of people gather from all walks of life to hear the gospel and to see Jesus lifted high. We had hundreds of volunteers from every denomination and background, and I’m so thankful for them, who came from a 50-mile radius across this entire region. It is so fun! We fed 6,250 people free food and a free dinner. That doesn’t include our homeless outreach. If you show up at one of our events, we’ll make sure you eat, and you don’t have to pay for anything. We’ve reached over 10,000 people in person with the gospel. Also, we have seen many hundreds of people give their lives to Christ, get baptized, and rededicate their lives. Now, I don’t count numbers. We try to get people plugged into a church afterwards. Jesus called us to make disciples, not converts. It’s challenging, but we pray that the Holy Spirit will lead different people, such as pastors, who join our events. If you belong to a church, invite someone to church. We need to do this naturally, because if you try to make it feel like a program, it just comes across as rigid and unnatural. We get salvation commitment cards from people, and every person receives a birth certificate when they get baptized.

We’ve reached many people in this region, and we are seeing church growth throughout the region. Many churches are actually growing in numbers, and pastors are being lit on fire for Jesus. We have one pastor who came out of depression. No one knew it except his wife, but he was in full-blown depression. But whenever we came into town, we locked arms because we’re here for each other. It’s so good. This pastor then wrote me a letter about how, when we went out on the street and started serving the homeless, and then we went through the tent revival, it literally lit a fire in him that he had not felt in 5 to 10 years. 

We’ve had two ministries that have started or been born out of this one, and they are on the ground now, serving the homeless multiple days a week and helping get homeless people off the streets—should they choose that path—by feeding them and loving them. And seeing other people like me and you being used by God, just regular people. You’re talking to people who go to work and are nurses, teachers, accountants, lawyers, and go on the street. They learn how to serve and love those that, unfortunately, society and even the church sometimes reject, but when you begin to love your neighbor, like Jesus told us to, you come alive; your faith, your life, and everything become so much stronger and more fulfilling because you’re doing what He told us to do, which is to love. And that’s what we do, and I love bringing people into those circumstances to do things they’re not used to doing, or maybe they’re afraid to do, because once you break that fear barrier in faith, like I said, you come alive. 

I want to share a testimony of someone whose life was changed and give you an idea that you don’t know what’s going to happen—you walk in faith and trust God. Before we did our big Alton tent revival this year, we were on the streets ahead of time, feeding people. Some would donate food to us, and we would bring it to the homeless and meet them where they are. One particular one that really stands out is when we went to a person who was sitting next to a gas station outside a bar, and we asked them, “Hey, do you want some food? We had hamburgers there, and they responded, “Oh yeah, yeah.” And he then asked, “Are you with the church? And we’re like, “Well, kinda. We don’t all go to the same church.” There was a group of us, and we shared Jesus with them and prayed for them. And then when we invited them to the tent revival, well, one of them came, and his name was Michael. The first few days, he was outside the tent. He had a knife on his staff, wore necklaces with cult symbols, and had tattoos all over his face; he was also addicted to meth. Many brothers and sisters were loving on this person—love will break down barriers. A couple of people in love said something to him about the necklaces, and he became convicted because they had cult symbols on them. By night three, he ripped those suckers off and threw them right into the river. And then, before long, he was in the tent and worshiping the Lord. He decided that he wanted to travel with us to our next stop in Kampsville, Illinois, on the Illinois River. It’s a town of about  200 people, and he camps out with us. He was there the first night, and he gave his heart to Christ. But what I didn’t know at the time was that he brought some meth and needles with him to the tent revival. The Lord convicted him the next morning. I was in my trailer after we had just finished this excellent time in the Bible and the Word, and we were camping at this spot on the Illinois River. He knocks on my door, and he hands me a bag with his meth and a syringe. And he says, “I’m done. “I’m done!”—he completely gave it up and surrendered everything to the Lord. That’s repentance and confession. I didn’t judge him or scold him for bringing it—nothing like that. I hugged him. We cried, we prayed, and then I brought him outside, and more of us prayed for him, and we were celebrating. And Michael got baptized that night—he’s no longer homeless, has a job and a license, and is entirely different. No more meth. He’s on fire for the Holy Spirit. Jesus went for the one, and he brought him home.

We also know of men who used to call themselves female names, but no longer do. They no longer want to live that lifestyle —they want to date a woman, not be one. Alcoholics are sober now. Meth addicts are no longer meth addicts. People are getting off the streets. Families are now restored. We're talking about brothers and sisters who haven't spoken for years and are now restored to one another. I want to repeat it–This is not because of Jeremiah James—This is because of the unity of believers—This is what happens when we lay down our pride. We wash each other's feet, humble ourselves for one another, and allow God to use us as individuals. He will make it happen. 

We are to humble ourselves and make Him known. How can we do that? Not everyone is gifted in evangelism, so how can we show His love in our everyday lives or learn to evangelize? 

Well, there's a fun little quote by C.S. Lewis that says, “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less”. We need to stop thinking about ourselves so much and think more about God, our Savior, and believe in Him and what He wants to do in our lives. And so, how do we do that? The first thing is we have to let the Word of God dwell in us richly. We need to know what the Word actually says about us—it says some amazing things about you whenever you come to Christ and become a new believer. If you're not a Christian right now, I'm telling you that you’re never gonna find satisfaction in this world, no matter what you do. No matter how many people you date, you get married, have kids, take the drugs, get the career, make the money, you will always want more. I know there are also Christians out there who are Christians, and they're not fulfilled. It's because you're not living out the life that you've been called to do. You don't know who you are yet. Learn and come to know what the Word of God says about you. 

Jeremiah shares some scriptures that teach us who we are in Christ and our purpose.  It’s important to know who you are in Christ, your purpose, and gifts to give Him glory and make disciples. 

How did Truth B Told come to be? 

I felt a pull from God to start this YouTube channel, Truth B Told. We started this channel with me just sitting on the couch interviewing regular people who came on the podcast, sharing their testimonies, so people can be encouraged and inspired, no matter where they are in their lives, to realize that it may feel hopeless now, but when God comes into your life, He can turn everything around. He uses what we go through for good and gives us a new direction. Lots of people prayed to unite, and that’s exactly what I was praying for. At first, I didn't know anything about YouTube. Honestly, I didn't even want to get on YouTube. I don't like being in the spotlight, but I think God will send someone else if you don't. You're in sin because you're disobeying God, or someone's going to do it that has wrong motives, someone who's going to be doing it that's really just trying to build a platform in the name of God, but they want to lift themselves. So I would rather see more genuine Christians out there who speak about Jesus and see what He does, because in my case, I had no idea we were going to be at 227,000 subscribers at the time of our broadcast interview—it's really just blown up in the last six months or so. 

I want to speak about the importance of rest because we're so zealous for good works. We want to please God and live out this calling, but so many of us forget to rest. It's in these times of rest that God will not only strengthen you, but He'll speak to you and give you vision. It was in that time of rest that the Lord told me to start making videos to share world events and talk about Him, so I started praying about it, and then, you know, the next thing was that things started showing up in my path. I started learning here and there and making the videos I do today with a biblical worldview. I want to be honest, talk about my love for Him, and inspire people to read the Bible, pray, and be the Christians and children of God that God wants them to be. 

What's the importance of Christians having a biblical worldview, being good Bereans, and having discernment, especially in the times we are in? 

One of the most significant questions anyone could ever ask is the same one Pontius Pilate asked Jesus before He was crucified. And it's the question, what is the truth? What is the truth? And so I've been on a quest personally to seek that out. I have degrees in biology and chemistry, was a high school science teacher, and I desire to know the truth. Jesus said, "I am the truth." So I believe that if you're an honest seeker of truth in this world, it will ultimately lead you to Jesus of Nazareth—not the person of religion, not the person your church talks about, but the real historical person who literally walked 2000 years ago, named Jesus of Nazareth. All roads will eventually point to Him if you are honestly seeking the truth. So when it comes to a biblical worldview, it was satisfied in my mind when I started looking at science. When I started looking at the tough questions about where the universe comes from? How did the Earth form? How did people get here? Is evolution true? I just started asking all of these questions in my mind, and reading and seeking like crazy. I didn't even used to like reading, but once I started getting into this, I was like, "Man, I love reading." And so I was reading different authors and philosophers, and I started forming this biblical worldview that shows me that, yeah, Jesus is the real deal. He is who He said He was, He did what He said He would do, and He's coming back. Also, we have to get into the Word and discern, but man, don't be afraid to question; don't be scared to look into this, because the world is way more mysterious than meets the eye. We need to recognize that there's an enemy. A cosmic struggle has been going on since we rebelled against God by eating from the tree of life. Once we did that, sin entered the world, infecting our thoughts, emotions, and desires. And so now we're infected, but we also have this evil liar that is behind the scenes. Satan is not in hell, right? He's not hanging out in hell with a pitchfork waiting for people—No, he's on the earth literally now. And the Bible says that he goes throughout the earth, and puts the kings together to battle against the Lord and His anointed. We are in a cosmic spiritual war that actually exists right now. And if you finally take the Bible and look at it through the right lens—like, it's not separate from this world, but it is the world — it teaches about the world. It will make everything you see make sense. I don't get into politics. You won't get me to really get into politics unless the Lord calls me to do something in that realm, but like, I don't need to. This supersedes politics. A liar is pulling the strings of it all. And that's why you're never going to see unity in politics. You're never going to see anything good happen out of all this in the truest sense, because there's an enemy that's gathering the world's forces for a day of battle with the Antichrist and the false prophet. So, you know, you have sin, and then you have the world. That attacks our flesh and makes us want to rebel against God—all these things that rebel against God. And then you have the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly realms, as spoken of in Ephesians 6, chapter 12. So, when you realize you have an enemy and that you need saving, it'll always point you to Jesus. We need Jesus. We need Him. He's the only one who conquered the grave. He's the only one who has authority over satan, and He's handed it to us, His church, and that's why we need to wake up and see this for what it really is—a cosmic war—and He's called us to join it. So, a biblical worldview is the only worldview to have. Test everything by scripture. Don't even listen to me. Look at these things in the scripture for yourself, and the Holy Spirit will teach you as you submit. 

Jeremiah shares some more scripture, and that we're all on a mission to make Jesus known so that everyone can believe. 

Is there one more piece of encouragement you can give? 

Many people have lost faith and hope, and they're having a hard time finding a solid biblical church. These days, I believe the Lord is calling back again what I've been calling the faithful no-names. Think about who Jesus originally called: regular people, not skilled in theology, not the Pharisees. He didn't call them. He called regular people. I know and believe that He's doing the same thing literally right now. The days are short. Many people are claiming that they're this or they're that. Prophets and false prophets are rising up. There are signs in the sky. The climate is crazy. There's all this tension and division worldwide. We have the rise of AI, all these different things, but we're not to fear. Be encouraged.He's coming back for us, and it's going to be better than ever. But He's called the faithful no-names to take their place and know who they are in Him. I want to encourage everybody: just because you're not known, just because you don't have a platform, doesn't mean you're not important. Live your life for an audience of one. Seek Him first. He loves you! He gave His life for you. And if you've been reading this, know He's giving you a new identity and a purpose—not to walk in weakness, but in absolute power, supernatural power through the Holy Spirit—to be His witness. John the Baptist said, “He must increase, but I must decrease.” The more you let go and let your flesh be crucified and know that you’re not doing this on your own, you trust the Lord. Wow. Now you're walking in a new way. Oh my goodness gracious. God will do it — trust Him — seek Him; ask, and you'll find.

Jeremiah's Ministry Site & Social Media Platforms

United To Revive Ministries YouTube Channel

United To Revive Facebook

United To Revive Instagram

Truth B Told YouTube Channel

Truth B Told Facebook 

Jeremiah James Instagram

Jeremiah shared his testimony on...

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VictoryEmbraced: Truth, Talk & Testimonies

Kimberly Larsen

Coaching, Online Training, Counseling, and Author of Soul Set Free

These are Kimberly's favorite scriptures...

Kimberly, can you share a bit of your early life and how events like your parents' divorce and relocation impacted you and your emotional journey?

I was born into a Christian home, which provided an excellent upbringing in a small farming community. In my early childhood, I don't have any memories of ever feeling anything but loved, safe, and happy. When I was 9 years old, though, my parents divorced, and my world got a little shaken from that.

We moved off the farm and into town. So, that was a whole new world. And that is when I started to feel anxious and insecure. I knew I was loved, so nothing was terribly wrong, and yet my heart felt bruised—I had a hard time getting started again. And then as soon as I got comfortable in that place, we moved again. And I think it was like a double whammy where that pain I had already begun to feel was reinforced. And I didn't fully realize at the time that I had a broken heart because of that. I was trying to keep up with what was happening and do the best I could. And so there wasn't like one big accident or anything like that, but it was just this doubling up of the same type of pain happening twice. Kids are resilient, and so I think that, from a parent's perspective, they're doing pretty well. Even if you asked them, they would likely say, "I'm okay." I think a lot of what was going on was deeper than I understood, and it started to show up later on when I started hanging out with the wrong friends. So as a teenager, I began to walk away from my faith kind of—I never completely left my faith, as I always continued to believe in God, but I was looking for attention and friendship and love, and, you know, I didn't have a lot of parent supervision because my mom was a single mom working and my dad wasn't in the picture. We did a lot of things to keep ourselves entertained, and none of it seemed all that bad at the time. However, it eventually got worse.

You experienced an abusive relationship in your teen years that led to the beginning of spiritual battles. What were some of the doors that opened that may have caused demonic influence and oppression, and how did that affect your life?

For a long time, I thought that it was because of the abusive relationship as a young teen that the demonic oppression came, and that was the door that I had opened. Still, then, the Lord brought me back to some other memories and showed me that I started having these demonic nightmares right before the relationship began. And so that helped me to understand that it was probably a generational door that had been opened even before me. There was similar abuse in my mom's and grandmother's lives, so what happened is I started having attacks in my dreams, but then I would wake up, and I would still feel the attack. So I would feel choking happening, and this extreme, intense fear in the room. It happened over and over, almost nightly, where I was having terrifying dreams, and it went on for years and years. There were times when I woke up, and in the dream I was dreaming that somebody was banging my head, and I woke up and it was actually happening, and then I would have a headache the next day. So it was a dream, yet it was also becoming a reality. They were spiritual attacks in my sleep that are known as sleep paralysis. 

Were you able to talk to your mom about what was happening?

I kept a lot of this a secret because when I talked about it at all with people, I could sense right away that they were kind of like, What? And I just was afraid to talk about it. I didn't discuss it much. I would say to people that I was having nightmares, but I wouldn't explain to what extent. Sometimes I would have wild animals in my dreams that were chasing me. Those I would talk about. So, everybody knew that I had bad nightmares, but the actual experiences with the spirits—that part I wasn't sure how to talk about. It wasn't until later in my life, after I got married, that I started speaking up about it. And even then, people did not know what to say to me. And so, I thought it was just spiritual warfare and that this was one thing that Christians had to deal with. I learned that if I said the name of Jesus, it would stop, so I thought, 'Okay, this happens to people.' You speak Jesus' name, and then it stops. But I did not realize that I could get free of the nightmares. If you speak the name of Jesus, in that very moment, the evil one needs to flee from you. There’s a Bible verse that says… “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” James 4:7. I always thought it was resist the devil and he will flee from you. And it was later that I realized I truly understood the beginning of the verse: 'Submit to the Lord.' And so your life needs to be submitted right to Him. And when you submit to Him in your everyday life, you will not receive the same attacks as if you're only using His name to ward off a nightmare. As I walked daily with Him, I learned that I was more in authority and dominion. I had to overcome a spirit of fear because I was terrified of these evil spirits, and I'm not afraid of them anymore. If I have even the smallest experience with them now, I'm ready to fight them, and I know my authority, and I know they have to flee in Jesus’ name, but it took years of building myself up to understanding my authority, and there was a lot that I didn't understand about Christianity—there were a lot of missing pieces for me, and as those pieces came together, the stronger I became. Now, I'm not just fighting my own battles. I'm helping other people fight theirs. And we can think we know who we are, but we need to study who God says we are in Him and truly know and understand it. And in fact, I realized that it was wrong of me to believe anything less than who God says I am. And I was pretty insecure, and God doesn’t want us to have a spirit of fear. He wants us to have a spirit of power, love, and a sound mind. So if you’re somebody who is walking in timidity, you need to actually repent of that and then ask the Lord to help you grow into boldness and to be who you're called to be as a son or daughter in Christ. 

What was the turning point for you—when did you realize you needed to surrender to God fully, and what did that surrender look like?

There were a couple of turning points. One was that I got lost in addiction. I was drinking and partying all the time with my friends. I was smoking. I was even, I would say, even addicted to my friends because I felt I needed to be with them. I think I was looking for attention and love, and that's why I loved my friends so much - because I just felt like I was part of something. You know I could not stop on my own, and I got afraid and then rededicated my life to the Lord, and I was delivered from those addictions overnight. I'm so grateful that the Lord pulled me out of that. 

Secondly, when I was diagnosed with cancer for the second time—the first time was hard enough, and I prayed my way through that and survived. And then two years later, it had returned in a different area, and I kind of just gave up. And I just said, “I give up, Lord. If you want my life, take it.” I was tired of hoping and trying to stand on my faith, only to feel like it was when I received bad news. In that moment, I said to Him, "But if this is an evil attack on my life, I refuse to die early before my time." And that is when I started to experience deliverance, without even knowing what it was, because I began to cough and almost dry-heave. Then, I felt a beautiful presence come into my room. I couldn't see anything, but it was as if I were enveloped in a cloud of peace and joy. I had a beautiful experience, and the spirit of fear left me; I was no longer afraid of my situation. Even though it was still a terrifying diagnosis, I felt a presence from heaven. I just knew God was doing something, and that I needed to trust Him. So, I Googled… “Can Christians need deliverance?” Or something like that, and this YouTube channel came up that said how to be self-delivered. And as I followed through with that and prayed for renunciation, asking God to deliver me, I experienced even more deliverance. 

And for a week after that, I felt like I was walking on clouds. I was so excited—it was the most wonderful feeling, like nothing you could experience on earth, that is for sure, and so I had this self-deliverance. Then I became curious: I needed to understand what had happened to me more, and I wondered why nobody had told me about this before. I searched through the scriptures, and it's all in the Bible; Jesus performed many deliverances. Then I embarked on a longer journey, and I experienced many more significant and minor deliverances. After that, it set me on a path of inner healing because a lot of the places I needed deliverance were tied to emotional pain. And when I had that emotional pain healed, then that was when I no longer needed deliverance anymore.

Is there anything else you can encourage others about if they need deliverance, based on your experience? 

Yes. Deliverance is truth chasing away lies, just as it is when Jesus says, 'I came to set the captives free.' Much of our captivity lies within our minds, and even a tear rolling down someone's cheek who has just realized that when they thought they weren't loved, they are loved. I see that as deliverance. Some people are stuck in addiction like I was and they can't get out and when they truly ask God for help, and He makes a way for them, that's deliverance. Someone who is constantly emotionally triggered by people or circumstances. When they realize that there's a reason for the trigger that's causing them to feel angry, jealous, or insecure, if they can find out where their soul was hurt and go back to address it, they will find that they're set free and no longer triggered. And so I think a lot of deliverance has to do with emotional health. There are many things that deliverance is. God could deliver you from one place to another, or He could deliver you from believing a lie to understanding the truth. He could deliver you from a toxic relationship. Deliverance is vast, and it’s something that God has for us. He wants us delivered, set free, and walking in who we are meant to be. He wants the things that hold us back to come off of us so that we can then do the things that we are assigned to do on this earth and do His Kingdom work. And until we personally experience the deliverance we need, we are held back from reaching our full potential. Deliverance doesn't have to be scary. Some people are highly demonically oppressed, and they need serious deliverance. Others simply need to be guided through exercises using Scripture that help them with forgiveness and other aspects of their lives, because Scripture is truth. If we don’t fully understand scripture, we might need someone to help us unpack that truth. 

How is inner healing different from someone simply moving on, and what practical steps helped you walk it out?

Yeah, it's so different when you invite the Holy Spirit into a situation, like you can have freedom from a problem that you've been getting counseling for, for 20 years, in one second with the Holy Spirit. So, I would say that inner healing is about asking God to reveal the hurt places in your heart and to search your heart to find them. And you'd be surprised. They're not always the big, bad, scary things. A lot of it comes from when you're young because you don't yet have the capacity to cope emotionally. And you know, time does not heal you. In fact, it often buries and compounds issues. Jesus is what heals us. And so because He is not in time, He can go back to that place when you were a child, and you can invite Him now to come back there and have Him heal you. He can heal your memories and triggers—He’s in the business of healing people, and every time I work with someone, He shows up. So, I don't even feel like I'm doing a lot, other than facilitating an encounter that they're having with Him and encouraging them to know that, 'You think you can't hear Him, but you can.' And teaching them this is how you hear Him. And as soon as they're connected to hearing God's voice, they can move forward. When they need help with something, they simply go to Him and listen to Him. And then, so my program is actually only 3 months long. It's not a long program because we jump in and I connect them to the source, which is the Holy Spirit. And once they learn how to work with Him, they no longer need me, as they have exercises that they can use with the Holy Spirit and Scripture. 

Could you share how your ministry began, who it serves, and how you help people find freedom in Christ?

It's only been two years since this happened to me, when I experienced deliverance for the first time. Within those two years, I have taken a double degree program. I now hold degrees in business and ministry, and the Lord has also asked me to write a book. I couldn't believe God was asking me to do all He's having me do, and yet here I am, two years later, and the website is up and running. I am working with clients and getting seriously transformational results. I am always so surprised at how God shows up. 

For someone who feels stuck in pain, fear, or spiritual bondage, what word of hope would you share with them? 

Have faith in God. And if you feel that your faith is weakened or small, you need to find ways to stir it up, because it is real—the promises of God are real, so I would say, have faith and grow in your faith, your relationship with the Lord, and His Word. 

Kimberly shared her story on...

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Coach Lisa Pickart

Founder of the LifeBack System, Nutritionist, and Health Coach

These are Coach Lisa's favorite scriptures...

Coach Lisa Pickart shared her story on...

Truth, Talk & Testimonies

Coach Lisa's testimony is also on VictoryEmbraced: Truth, Talk & Testimonies podcast platforms

Lisa, you have been on an incredible health journey because you lost 118 pounds—I can’t even imagine each step you took. But I know God was with you. What was your turning point? Because I know, from your bio you shared, that you had a lot of inflammation, thyroid disease, and fibromyalgia. What happened? 

I want to hit two separate sides here—one side is health, and the other side is spiritual. And then, of course, you have a mind that connects your body with the spirit, right? And sometimes, that can be a battle. We’re brought up one way: we hear certain things and come from different spiritual backgrounds and denominations. We have all of this pre-imprinting going on between birth and 18. During that timeframe, we also can have a lot of baggage, which I embrace—my baggage—and I’m thankful for it because I think it’s crucial to acknowledge God through it. For instance, I have molestation on my belt, failing and accelerating grades, being a tomboy and outgoing, then teachers and people in our lives who speak negative things to us. I even had a fifth-grade teacher tell me, “The way you smile and laugh all the time, you’re never going to amount to anything but a high school cheerleader.” So these voices go on; that’s just the external, but we have what was going on internally. Parents try their best. There are a lot of dysfunctional homes, and even functional homes can be dysfunctional.

So, I did a lot of yo-yo dieting and had a mom who also did the same. My mom was from the era of Joan Crawford and Elizabeth Taylor and raised me with an extravagant approach to fashion, hair, and makeup. I was the youngest of three girls. And so, having two older brothers, I became pretty athletic, definitely more of a tomboy. There were a lot of words from my father, whom I adore, who will now be 93 next month and is my strength internally. I wouldn’t have had my current strength without my father raising me, but his approach could have been better.

Jumping into my 30s and 40s, signs of menopause started. At 36, I was told that I should have a hysterectomy because cancer cells were present with a Pap smear. Having a hysterectomy didn’t seem right to me. Why would we lose our uteruses and ovaries? Thankfully, I didn’t listen to the doctor’s recommendation because, at 46, I had a child—I did lose six children before her in miscarriages. Still, I didn’t know at 46, when I gave birth, that 12 years later, we would be faced with losing her father. The next day after Eliya was born, I got sick every day for months. I thought I had food poisoning because everything I ate made me ill. It escalated to where I was afraid to eat anything. Well, now we know that it was liver disease and gallbladder disease, which were feeding hyperthyroidism. I ended up with thyroid eye disease, in which my eyes popped out of my head.

The underlying cause was a lot of stress, having a child later in life, being on the road, traveling worldwide, and blowing up buildings for our business. The stress kept building inside me, but God always told me it was okay and that He would go before me. We had a child on the road and were living in a vehicle 12-14 hours a day—driving 4,000 miles in four days is pretty intense, and then stopping to breastfeed—it was a lot. I felt like I was Wonder Woman, but I was getting sicker, and the inflammation was getting worse, to the point where my blood circulation was horrible. I started getting blood clots and neuropathy in my feet, and my health was snowballing. The bigger picture wasn’t about me but God's plan. When Eliya was shy of 12, she woke up one day and told me she didn’t want to travel anymore. I responded to her by saying, “Well, you know what? You were born into this life, and God has given it to you.” She is the youngest of the first six, and the others already left the house. Also, we did ministry on the road—we spoke at churches, went to many places, and wore three crosses on our construction hard hats, sharing God’s Word with everyone. Eliya begged me and shared her heart that she wanted to be a normal child and be home on the ranch with her horses. 

So I went to my husband, Eric, before he passed away; he wasn’t even sick that we knew of. And I told him, “This is going to be difficult, but you’ll need to take the guys on the road. Then, I will fly in for the day of the blast and do the implosions. He was surprised, but I explained her importance: she’s deeply knowledgeable in Scripture, loves the Lord, has been baptized, and has baptized other children. I said, “She wants to be home for a reason.” I ended up taking on three grandchildren in full custody and raising them. Eliya and one of them are the same age, so we call them Irish twins because they were born six weeks apart, and then there’s one 18 months older and one 18 months younger. So, I was raising four, and we were on the road, just living life. There were a lot of undercurrents, like a riptide in the ocean, but the boat was still floating on top. Amid everything, I was still yo-yo dieting and would gorge and get sicker every day. When I started getting deeper into reading the Bible, the Lord showed me that gluttony and worry are sins. At this time, I was 57 and nearing 58, and we needed to go to two overbooked jobs, so Eric went to Atlanta and called me. He was coughing badly, and I said, “You don’t sound good. You need to go to an urgent care.” Urgent care told him he had walking pneumonia. We have our family Christmas time in Idaho, and nobody knows that Eric is dying of cancer—even Eric. This persistent cough wasn’t going away, so he went to the emergency room with some prompting. I noticed that he was getting weaker.

When they diagnosed Eric, I wasn’t with him, as I was in Washington with the girls, and he was in Idaho when he called me after he collapsed in the driveway. I told him to call 911, so he called them, and then they called me to tell me they had a man in my driveway. I told them, “Yes, that’s my husband… please get him to the emergency room.” They life-flighted him to the hospital and took out four gallons of fluid from his lungs. And he called me and said, “Yeah, I’m sick, but it’s a blessing and proceeded to tell me that he has cancer. I dropped to the ground and was crying and didn’t hear the rest of the conversation. He then told me that if he had come in six months earlier, he probably could have fought it, but there wouldn’t be a fight because he was surrendering. Eric gets restored either way, and he believes that God will heal him on this planet or in heaven. I was bawling, and it was hard talking without getting emotional. It was a blessing for Eric because he loved the Lord so much, but the news was excruciating for me. I told the kids to start packing up so we could head back home to Idaho and told Eric that I needed to be with him, but Eric interjected and said, “No, no, no… You don’t need to be with me. Jesus is with me. I’ve already been through the garden… It’s going to be fine. Please take care of the girls, enjoy the weekend, and then when you come back, stop by the hospital.”

I was feeling overwhelmed, and everything in my life started getting a hundred times worse, including my weight. I asked Eric why he felt like having cancer was good news, and he replied, “Because it’s mesothelioma. We need to tell the family immediately because both of my grandparents died from mesothelioma, and the odds are that because I was by them, I got it off of their clothes.” Mesothelioma is a tiny spur that gets in your lungs. I said, “Are you sure it’s not from work?” He says, “No, I’m positive I got it from my grandparents because it takes 40 years to rear its ugly head." So I was like, okay, “I’m going to try to find the blessing in this.”

Upon our arrival at the hospital, he was in a jolly mood and felt great, in contrast to my frazzled and absolute basket-case state. I was the woman; when we weren't near each other, I almost thought I couldn’t breathe—our lives were so intertwined and meshed. I knew I needed to trust the Lord wherever He took this. I needed to be strong and believe we’re going to make it, so every day, I would say to God, “God, your will over mine, your will over mine, your will over mine, whatever that looks like, Lord, but I’m going to ask you that you hold me and direct me because you know what it will take for me to process this because I’m a person who is a long thinker, I don’t make rash decisions, and I like to plan.” The oldest was 14, then there were double 12s and a 10, and they asked, “Mom, why do you feel like crying when Dad’s dying? And I said, Well, that’s an excellent question.” At that moment, God reminded me how we raise our children to trust the Lord. Suddenly, I doubted if I was fully trusting God, and I started to question my faith because I was asking myself, do I trust? One day, one of my daughters said, Mom, put your arms out. I’m going to jump to you," and at that moment, I knew the Lord was saying… “My arms are up… Jump.”  

On March 19th, the hospital said, “Go home and get your affairs in order. And my husband goes, “You don’t know my God; you don’t know what He has in store. Don’t tell me I’m dying,” but we all knew that the tumor had moved over on top of his aorta, and he could no longer breathe. His breath was getting shorter and shorter. And from that day, March 19th, to April 1st, it was the time that it took for his body to shut down and pass away. 

I was very ill during this time, but I had to put my health aside because caring for Eric and our children was the priority. It wasn’t about Mom; the children were quickly learning this new way of life. We had 200 acres to take care of, running the dozer and tractor, changing the oil, cutting wood, and taking care of the horses and cows, and the girls stepped in and took care of things. We all laugh about it because they learned so much in a short time that maybe they would have never learned had we not gone through this challenge.  

It was about three days before Eric passed that our youngest asked me while breaking down in tears, “I don’t understand why God is so mean.” I said, “He’s not, but one by one, He calls us home, and this is your goal to get yourself there one day too… It takes a lot of courage to have that faith, just like you do with me. You trust me every day, but I don’t want you to trust me—I want you to trust that God knows what’s best for our family.”

We turned our family room into an area for everybody to sleep, hang out, and spend those last hours together. We had a lot of visitors that week who came and prayed over him and said their goodbyes. Eric had been incoherent those previous days because of the morphine. The pain had gotten to where it was excruciating. You know that marriage isn’t always perfect—it doesn’t matter who you are because we’re all broken people. Eric looked at me and said, “I’m sorry for everything.” And I said, “Oh, we’re good. You are so forgiven. Don’t worry about it. It’s all good." And then, he told me, “I love you,” and his eyes never opened again or spoke another word. After he passed, I got the girls, and there was a lot of crying and hugs. 

The next night after Eric’s passing, we remained very quiet—we spoke few words but shared a few jokes and memories. When I woke up, four girls were in bed with me, which they never did before. I said good morning to them, and everyone said, “Are you ready? What are we going to do now?” In my head, I was wondering that I had no clue because I needed to shut my business down; I was facing losing the property and finding a new place to live, and suddenly, I replied in faith to the girls, “We’re going to live and love life and celebrate.” My favorite Scripture that came to mind about our day of death is more significant than our day of birth is Ecclesiastes 7:1. So I said, "You know what, we’re going to live, and we’re going to love life." I embraced all four of them and said, “All I can tell you is that when I had you guys and looked at you, that was the greatest moment of my life. Dad is in heaven in the arms of the Lord, and that is a time to rejoice. Now, it’s our books and chapters that we need to live for God.” To this day, they all serve God, and their goal is to get home to heaven, and we’ll all be reunited.

A couple of days went by, and I realized that I was getting sicker. And it scared me because I was the only surviving parent. It was a significant burden, and the stress was pretty high financially. Eight months went by without health insurance, and finally, I got some coverage through the state for myself and the girls for dental and essential health. I made a doctor’s appointment for myself and was informed that my liver wasn’t good, my thyroid had Graves disease, and my body was acting like an 88-year-old woman and getting closer to shutting down. Then, the sheriff notified me that they would be taking the property, and we didn’t have a place to live. In between everything, I had people stopping by to ask if they could start helping us pack or move the animals. The children became agitated, saying, “Do not touch my dad’s clothes. We’re not leaving this property. God’s going to save our house.” A lot of hope was going on amid everything else. I told the girls, “Maybe God has a bigger plan, and because we’re stuck in our chapter, we can’t even see the great gifts coming to us.” I noticed that as soon as I started seeing the picture in a different light, they, too, increased in hope and faith for our future. It was also at this time that I could hardly walk. 

The children were grocery shopping for me, which was usually my responsibility. I gave them the money and told them what to get on the cell phone, so we were a wreck. However, their willingness to take on this responsibility showed their maturity and understanding of our situation, which was a source of pride and inspiration for me. We had a feast on Thanksgiving Day, and on December 4th, we needed to surrender our home. Out of nowhere, this lady I don’t know told me they had some cabins—they didn’t have running water or a toilet. Still, if we wanted to put our horses on the back property and bring the girls, she would give them to me. Four minutes before the bank took the property, someone purchased it, which helped me pay off my debt to Medicare. One business debt was handled, and I was given a check for $25,000. So we had a little breathing room and had two weeks off the property, but we were packed up in four days. God closed the door; we were blessed to live there but needed to leave.

On Christmas Eve, we celebrated Christ, and New Year’s came; on January 7th, I received a call that my mother had only hours to live, and she passed on January 9th. It was overwhelming because I had one support system gone, and now another was, too. My thyroid had a considerable flare-up, and my eyes were now wholly extended from my head. It was a lot to deal with at one time with all the underlying pressure, but I heard God speak and say to me, “Are you trusting me?” All things are possible with God, according to Philippians 4:13. I needed to focus on the Lord and forget all things going on in my world—the stress, people, and anyone judging me—and it didn’t matter. 

When my mom passed away, she left me $40,000, and another friend carried a mortgage on a house, so we lived there to help. It was a double-wide house, and it was me and the girls. The move-in day was April 1st, the first anniversary of Eric’s passing. I felt like the Book of Job, losing everything and then everything being restored. When we were moving into that house on Facebook, our reunion group from high school was praying for Eric and me, the girls, and the family. My high school sweetheart, who went to the Air Force, asked if that was Lisa because he didn’t recognize the married last name. A good friend of ours said yes and told him that her husband was sick and passed. Kenneth gave me a call but hit the camera by accident. He had never used the camera for a video call before, but he was shocked and said, “Oh, my gosh, there you are!” And on my side of the phone, before I answered, I said, “Oh my gosh, this guy I know is calling on video chat—I can’t talk; I’m broken, and my life is a wreck.” I got the courage to answer, and he asked if I was OK. I told him, “No, I’m so broken and don’t know how the future looks, and I can’t even comprehend anything that’s happened over the last three years.” He told me he would come to see me and would like to help us in any way possible. Here, we lived in a 1,100-square-foot double-wide, and we used to have a 5,000-square-foot home. COVID was going around, and we just got over COVID ourselves. I knew, though, to take one step at a time—put one foot in front of the other, and soon you’ll be walking out the door.  

Kenneth and I started a relationship about a year later, and then we made plans to get married. He said, “If you’re not busy in four years, will you marry me? I’ve waited 45 years to marry you. Would you please marry me?” And I was like, “No, I’m a broken mess; I’ve got kids and all this other stuff.” Well, we finally decided to get married on July 3rd of 2021, and on July 1st, he had three grand mal seizures and was in the hospital. I dropped to my knees for the second time and said to God, “Lord, I can’t do this again. There’s just no way. I don’t understand. We’re going to be a family. We’re moving.” Clearly, in a vision, God showed me a drawn line in the sand, speaking to my heart, saying, “Lisa, everything on this side of the earth means the world to you, but on this side, it doesn’t mean anything to me—not the house, not the car, not the job, not the money. I need you. I need your thoughts, your faith, and your eyes. It will be OK if you trust me.”

While Kenneth was in the hospital, I told him that I didn’t think we should get married, and he responded, “If it’s the last thing I do before I take my last breath, we’re getting married.” So, the next day, we got married, and we watched him for three months for seizures.

Meanwhile, I made a phone call, and this phone call didn’t go to the person I called. The person who answered told me how he helps people heal their livers, and one of the root causes of seizures is liver dysfunction. One of the significant symptoms is if you had hepatitis C and now have liver cirrhosis, which was where Kenneth was. So we started changing our diets and a program immediately. That was in July, and by September, he needed to go in for blood work at the Mayo Clinic to see if he could be a candidate for a liver transplant. The answer was no because, after the age of 60, it gets less likely because the average age for a man to pass away is 74, so they would rather give that healthy liver to a healthy person than to an older one. 

With this news, we quickly removed all chemicals from our house and stopped consuming carbohydrates and sugar—everything was gone—it was a struggle because you don’t realize how addicted to sugar you are. As a nutritionist, I went back, and I looked at every single scientific study and documentation from the beginning of time, moving all the way forward and searching for when fatty liver disease became the death of humans versus liver cirrhosis by alcohol. Like, when did that happen? So here I was, looking all this up. Big Pharma has been in bed with the FDA and the Food Administration. All the chemicals and stuff we’re getting in our system are the culprits of what’s destroying our liver. 

So, now I’m on fire—I have a spark of light and am on a new adventure—and God is showing me so much, and it was Holy Spirit-led on how to heal the liver. So we pursued what we have been applying to our lives, and in January, we both went in for blood work, and for me, it was the first time in 5 years since I had blood work. I am on the back burner again because I went from caring for myself to caring for someone else. And my words of wisdom for anybody are that taking care of yourself is not selfish. It’s selfish not to because people need you. They ran the blood work, called us back a week later, and said, “There’s something wrong here.” And I said, “What do you mean?” And they said, “The blood work of the man we have from July is a man with one leg in the grave, and this blood work is like a 32-year-old man’s blood work.” I then asked the doctor what my thyroid looked like, and he told me that I didn’t have a thyroid issue. I told him, “No, I do; check my records. I have hyperthyroidism, Graves disease, thyroid eye disease, and a list of 12 autoimmune diseases. And he said, “Well, you don’t have them now. And I was like, “What!” And he said, “You don’t have anything. You have somehow or another had bad blood work, or something happened, but this is all gone.” So Kenneth and I were on to something and continued to follow a carnivore diet because everything else was spiking insulin and causing liver issues and brain fog. Then, a friend of ours heard that Kenneth had liver cirrhosis. He asked how he was doing and told him, “You’re not going to believe this, but we are one month from celebrating one year of life after he was told 30 to 90 days to live—they didn’t even want to do treatment or to have any hope for him because he was under 10% functioning of his liver. So obviously, God has bigger plans, and it has been an absolute miracle moving forward to today, the LifeBack name came because we all want our lives back—everyone wants to go to heaven, but we don’t want to go today—we want to get to the Lord and go to heaven, but if you’re called home today, are you ready to surrender everything and go? 

When you are going through tough times, it seems you are stuck somewhere in the hallway, be steadfast about His business. Be faithful and immovable. 1 Corinthians 15:58. Even though he may not have opened the door or a window, and you don’t know where you’re going, you still need to be busy with His work. What does it mean to be about His business or work? Being a good disciple, having a sound mind, and following His lead. This is surrendering—literally every day, it was all about sweet surrender and trusting Him in the storm. He gives me an understanding that surpasses our own because He knows what’s best. We think that we know it all—that we’re brilliant—that we’ve got an education and degrees and experience and all this stuff, but He told me, “You’re just my child; you’re my child, and I’m your Father, and you need to listen to me.” 

Through all this, and coming to today, the LifeBack System was birthed by a high school guy who introduced me to another guy, who became my business partner. He said, “Your story is incredible, and the information on the liver is so powerful to help people get their life back.” This is where the name was born because when God takes us through the journey or the wilderness, it’s not to have us have pain and sorrow—it’s having us draw closer to Him, so when the time comes, we are ready to go home. God is so faithful. God gave me His peace, not my own, and He was so profound in helping me understand that I’m just dust to dust; it’s just a blink or moment in time, and the future of me is in His hands, and how I was going to show my children to have the strength and courage and have blind faith and put everything in His hands.

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LifeBack Warriors

Estelle

Regulatory Oversight Specialist

These are Estelle's favorite scriptures that ministered to her during her healing process from trauma.

Estelle shared her story on Truth, Talk & Testimonies

Estelle's testimony is also on VictoryEmbraced: Truth, Talk & Testimonies podcast platforms

Did you grow up in a Christian home?

I grew up with relatives who were Christian. My mom was a Christian, but my father was not, and they got divorced when I was a baby. My mom introduced me to the Lord, and my grandmother and aunts knew the Lord. I was told that I was around 5 years old when I became saved and accepted Jesus in my life to save me from my sins. My mom asked me if I accepted Jesus, and I said, “Yeah, mom, and I felt Him. So that's what I'm told. For most of my childhood, I loved the Lord and spent much time in church. 

You shared with me that you went through trauma and abuse—can you share some of that? 

Yeah, my stepfather abused me. My mom remarried when I was about 4 years old, and my stepfather was an alcoholic. When I was 11, for a prolonged period, he was abusive to me. He would molest me—it wasn’t as bad physically as what I hear a lot of people experience in a situation like that, but I think for me, it was the psychological trauma of it, the way I was groomed and tricked and manipulated—it was very devastating and traumatizing because I also wanted to have a close relationship and father figure, but he took advantage of that. I have a good relationship with my biological father, but I didn’t see him very much. So, my stepdad took advantage of an 11-year-old girl who wanted to have a wholesome father figure in her life. It was just very traumatizing, and it happened over a prolonged period. I was a zombie as a kid because I couldn’t process what was happening to me. 

You told me you received help in the church. 

Yes. In my junior year of high school, I didn’t have a safe place to stay because my mom was in the hospital, and I was alone with my stepdad. To my knowledge, no one was aware of my abuse. He stopped abusing me at that point, but it wasn’t safe for me to be there. One of my aunts, a Christian, came to check on me, and she discerned it wasn’t safe for me there. I believe that was the Holy Spirit. I thank God she checked on me, and for about a month, until my mom got out of the hospital, I stayed with my assistant pastor’s family. They treated me like I was part of their family. It was one of the best experiences of my life because I could see what a healthy marriage was and what a Christian household could look like—it was just a wonderful experience for me. It gave me a great impression of myself and something to think back on even when I grew up. It served as a helpful gauge for me to evaluate relationships. God used that experience. 

God used that experience there in that household. Did anyone know what was going on at home?

I don’t think anyone knew at that point that someone had molested me. The interesting thing is that going back to when I was 11, I think people knew something was going on with me because I remember meeting with the pastor of my church at one point. He asked me if my stepfather was touching me, which to me was an odd question—I don’t understand a lot of the circumstances that were happening in my life back then, but at that point, I think I couldn’t even admit it to myself, and I knew I was lying to him, but I told him no. Also, a man asking me was uncomfortable, even though my pastor was someone I respected and was a safe person. Still, when I was living with my assistant pastor’s family, I think they most likely knew I came from a troubled home. My stepfather was an alcoholic, and obviously, my aunt didn’t think it was safe for me to be there. I don’t think they knew the extent of what was happening. Eventually, my mom and I did go to a therapist and would talk about how his alcoholism affected me. That was when I had many memories resurface because, for a while, I was blocking everything out as a protection. It was too much for me to want to admit or face—I think I was around 17 or 18 when I went to that therapy session with my mom. I tried to talk about what happened to me, but I did it vaguely. I blacked out and don’t remember much from that session because it was traumatizing. 

Did you go to college then, and if you did, what for?

I did end up going to a Bible college. The pastor of my church, who loved the Lord and Scripture, inspired me. He was so serious about the Word of God, and it was fascinating when he would share about all these fulfilled prophecies in the Bible, and I would be on the edge of my seat. And he would get so emotional about what Jesus did for us—he was very analytical, scholarly, and innovative. Jesus’ death, and the grace and mercy He gave us forgiving all our sins caused him to weep at the pulpit. This made a great impression on me, and I wanted to learn more about the Bible. I felt so blessed by my church. I would go to youth group, and I went to church on Sundays and Wednesdays regularly. That might sound like a lot, but I loved being around other believers and receiving support. It was a place of stability, and I wanted to learn more about the Bible and pay forward how the church helped me.

When you started college, you took ministry courses but veered off. What caused you to get off track?

There were a couple of things—I mentioned that I viewed my pastor as analytical, and I’m very detail-oriented and analytical, so while studying theology, I began to notice things in the Bible that I thought were contradictions, but we know God never contradicts Himself or the Word. I knew Jesus wants to save everyone, but yet narrow is the way—and there is a hell. I had doubts and questions. I think I was missing discipleship—looking back, some things were missing in my walk with Christ, but the idea of hell was so triggering to me and my trauma because I grew up feeling in danger. Something I didn’t mention is that I did try to get help as a child and reach out to someone, but I don’t think I thoroughly explained what was happening to me, and the abuse continued. I tried, and I was just a kid, and it was a lot to process. 

I ended up standing up to my abuser. One day, I snapped and started screaming at him—exceptionally intensely. I was a skinny pip-squeak of a kid, and I stood up to this grown man, and he actually apologized to me, and he never did it again, but it could have happened again as I got older because he was still drinking, and my aunt was noticing things that I was not safe. That dangerous environment compromised my safety. I always thought that I was in danger, and I couldn’t handle the idea of someone being in danger of going to hell. When I was in danger, I put a stop to it, and I think that the idea of people going to hell is just so triggering to me. And I thought, oh, people are in danger, and I felt responsible—I didn’t know how to save these people. And we know that we’re not the ones who save them—Jesus does—I didn’t trust God that He’s responsible for saving them. I couldn’t handle the idea of hell, and I had a lot of questions. I think I had a lot of pride, and I started to drift away from the Lord and think that I didn’t need Him very much. There were a lot of things going on, and eventually, I became a closet atheist while in Bible college. I remember reading the story of the prodigal son a bunch of times. I felt like I didn’t believe it. Should I admit to myself that I didn’t believe it? I thought that maybe God wanted honest disbelief over blind belief, and I ended up throwing my faith away. I didn’t share with many people what I was going through. Some of my close friends knew, and they were pretty devastated. I graduated from college and lived on my own with roommates—For at least 15 years, I lived as a nonbeliever.

Did you get involved in the New Age and things like that?

Yes, at first, I started as a secular humanist and didn’t believe in anything supernatural. I still wanted to be an ethical person and have morals. I studied philosophy and ethics, and it was so empty, and there’s no philosophical system that’s good or comparable to what the Bible teaches us. Nothing that I could find was satisfactory, and it felt very empty. There was a part of me that still craved spirituality. Also, I was hurting—for the most part, I had managed to keep things together even though I had this trauma that affected almost every area of my life, and I always knew something was wrong with me but managed to keep it under wraps.

In 2013, my half-brother, who had been in the military and had gone to Afghanistan and Iraq, went missing; we found him, and he had committed suicide. There were a lot of circumstances around that, and it was re-triggering to me, as well as things related to communication. Things with communication triggered me my whole life because I tried to reach out for help, but I didn’t communicate well, so communication was a big deal for me. I found out about my brother through someone I was friends with on Facebook, and they said, “Oh, I’m so sorry. I saw a news report.” I searched on Google to see if there were any leads, and I saw from an online newspaper that my brother passed away. I called a family member, and she told me she knew nothing. It was so traumatic. I called the police, and they were cold towards me because I wanted to know who in my family knew. I then called my dad, which was the hardest thing ever. I decided that I needed to tell my dad that his son had passed away. We hoped that maybe he was just eccentric and went off-grid and did something crazy. But that whole thing with my brother re-triggered many things, and my life spiraled from there. I just needed something, so I was going to therapy and doing different treatments. I was also more open to spirituality, so I started listening to certain preachers who watered down the gospel. Hence, the teaching was more palatable to me. I was more open to that kind of spirituality, but I also dabbled in things like Reiki, got deep into yoga, and got my yoga teacher certification, which they taught as a spiritual practice. I also got into Native American shamanism.

You shared that you had PTSD, but you don’t have it anymore. How did the PTSD go away?

Praise Jesus, I don’t have PTSD anymore. I knew my brother had PTSD from the military, so I was curious about PTSD and did some research and had already been going to regular therapy. I talked to my therapist about it and was watching videos and hearing people describe flashbacks and I thought, “Holy smokes,” that’s what I experienced all the time. I didn’t know that’s what it was, so whenever there was a specific trigger, I would re-experience certain situations in my childhood, where someone miscommunicated with me. I would feel like I was in physical danger because of that miscommunication as a kid. I had this false belief that if I didn’t communicate well, I would be in danger. So, if I had a simple miscommunication with a friend, I would feel in physical danger. I would describe it as I felt I was in a burning building and needed to get out. I felt such an urgency, and living an everyday life like that became difficult because you communicate with people regularly. There were other triggers, too, and I saw a lot of specialists who claimed to be able to help with PTSD, so I did anything I could think of, and a lot of the things helped take the edge off of the symptom. I did cognitive-behavioral therapy; I went to an intensive program that you would go to almost every day, and they did a lot of group therapy work. I tried dialectical behavioral therapy and prolonged exposure therapy. EMDR, dance therapy, neurofeedback, mindfulness meditation, and all the new-age stuff—I tried anything because I was desperate. They gave me temporary relief, but they weren’t healing me. When I re-dedicated my life to Christ and became a believer again, I did cognitive processing therapy because it helps you identify your false beliefs and determine a more accurate belief. After all, their theory is that your emotions and triggers are based on a particular belief. So, if you pinpoint what your beliefs are, you can replace them with more accurate ones. I felt like I was spiraling and not getting better, and the main therapist I went to was trying to get me to accept that I had PTSD. It’s something I’ll need to live with for the rest of my life and manage the symptoms instead of looking for a cure, but I knew I couldn’t sustain it and was highly motivated to heal. I was also scared because therapy wasn’t working—I tried everything and worked so hard and was highly motivated to heal—I was going into depression and threw so much money at different therapies and treatments and couldn’t fix myself, so I gave up and out of desperation, I prayed and said, “God, I don’t even know if you’re real, and if you are real, I don’t even know if you would want me back, but I can’t do this anymore. I don’t have a solution—you’re my only hope. If you want me back, I’ll do things your way, and we’ll see if you can do something with this mess." I completely surrendered. 

I learned that it was my trauma that caused me to go down the rabbit trail of not believing. When I look back, seeds were planted along the way, and even when I wasn’t serving the Lord, there were so many situations, and I know the Lord was carrying me. After surrendering to Jesus, I bought a Bible, started praying, and attended church. I was still going to cognitive processing therapy. The reason why I was open to going was I asked my therapist if I could use scripture to learn and come to know more accurate beliefs—I was committed to doing things God’s way, and one by one, using scriptures, my false beliefs were replaced by accurate beliefs rooted in God’s Word. I stopped going to therapy and doing what the Bible says to take every thought captive, so when I felt like I was in physical danger, I would remember that the Lord is my protector. 

Earlier, I described how when I would have a flashback, I would feel like I was in a burning building, and I would think about Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego and how they were in a fiery furnace because that was their punishment. After all, there was a rule about worshipping the king, and they refused to worship anyone but their God. The king looked into the furnace and saw a fourth person there, so I would remind myself that the Lord was with me. Isaiah 43:2 was such a meaningful scripture for me. I knew I wasn’t in danger, but I would think about the Lord being with me and protecting me. Those flashbacks were the most horrific thing—I just felt tormented, and they were excruciatingly painful, and it would take me days to recover from them. And they were just physically challenging—my body was constantly in crisis mode, so it took a toll on my health, too, but I learned to praise God during my suffering. I learned that despite suffering, I could rejoice, and that God would use these circumstances to build character. I have the joy of the Lord and complete freedom in Him—what He has done for me; He can do for anyone!